Wednesday, 20 October 2010

Bit empty in here, innit?

Been quite some time since I posted in this blog. Entirely my own fault, naturally, oweing to the end of University, subsequent graduation, then the trials and tribulations of searching for a job. Mostly trials.

Only trials.

But, at any rate, I do the best to remain chipper and continue searching, not once decrying the past 3 years a waste of time because, if nothing fruitful were to come from my time at Leicester (and, naturally, I am sure something will), I would still not regret the money it cost to meet the fantastic people I studied with and, thankfully, remain friends with today. Sentimental? Maybe, but just this once; don't tell anybody.

At this particular moment in time I'm feeling particularly lethargic. A lot of things have gotten on top of me; my unemployment mainly, but also distance from loved ones and frustration at people have contributed to the last week or so being a fitful rollercoaster of emotion. I do however, as always, remain optimistic in the face of this adversity, particularly when I check the reality of the situation and know how much disastrously worse it could become.

A part of me, I feel, misses the University lifestyle. Whilst there is still pressure to perform, and to do well, there is simultaneously a freedom to be yourself. Beyond that, I think, there was an almost universal acceptance of the great 'whatever'; whoever, or whatever you are you were accepted. Two of my friends are an interesting point; one an out and out atheist, the other a practicing Christian. Inbetween this I sit, a gay agnostic.

The world keeps turning around us. Nothing changes, nothing is strained. The ability to have a civil and understanding conversations, including but not limited to disagreements and jovial arguments is something I have not been able to identify outside of that social circle. University is not an essential step towards a career, I think, and I would be remiss if I did not mention and credit the dozens of people I know who have made a career, nay a life for themselves without the need for degree qualifications. However, I personally felt more alive as an individual in that environment; I had creative outlets, living freedom and proximity to my partner. A lot of this I feel has waned.

I haven't, for instance, written anything in months.

This lament, however, may be a pining for the old days gone, but I understand that they are, certainly gone. Uni was great, and Uni led me to encounter many fine people; people I hope to know for a long, long time, but as a current experience, it is over. Moving forward is what has to be done now, and I appreciate that people already know this; friends of mine already have jobs, and for that I am thankful.

If anything, this blog post is a reminder to myself as I write it and, hopefully, when I check it in the future, that going forwad is what I now have to do. If not, I'll be stuck in this rut forever...

Next time I update, we'll be back to my usual inanity. Look forward to it, I know I do.
- Peter